January 15th, 2010
Dear Cool People of the world who use Cool Handshakes,
I am not one of you. I don’t know the Cool Handshake you are trying to do. I won’t notice that you are a surfer dude, and that you are going to try the one with the vertical thumb.
If you are a hipster and try to ‘bump fists’ with me, I will grab your fist and try to shake it.
I once tried a Cool Handshake, and ended up gripping the tips of a stranger’s fingers as though I was about to kiss his hand. For my next handshake, I opted for traditional, but was met with a non-traditional. I can’t win.
From now on, I am going to closely inspect your hand before I shake it. Do not be afraid, I am merely determining which handshake should be deployed. Do not attempt to change the handshake half-way through, as I may end up standing beside you holding your elbow.
Kind Regards,
Afe
P.S. Handshake fail
Tags: shit that annoys me
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January 8th, 2010
I know these ‘best of the decade’ lists are a bit wanky, but hey, what can I say? I’m a wanker.
50. Frost/Nixon
49. A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints
48. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
47. Love Actually
46. The Others
45. 21 Grams
44. Der Untergang (The Downfall)
43. V for Vendetta
41. Training Day
40. The Departed
39. Gangs of New York
38. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
37. Juno
36. Crash
35. Sin City
34. Alpha Dog
33. Finding Nemo
32. Munich
31. Closer
30. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
29. A Scanner Darkly
28. Letters from Iwo Jima
27. Boiler Room
26. The Assassination of Jesse James
25. The Dark Knight
24. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
23. Lantana
22. Erin Brockovich
21. I Am Sam
20. Bowling for Columbine
19. Raising Victor Vargas
18. The Life of David Gale
17. White Oleander
16. Matchstick Men
15. Gladiator
14. Snatch
13. Best In Show
12. Mystic River
11. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
10. Dogville
9. Before Sunset
8. Oldboy
7. The Last King of Scotland
6. Vanilla Sky
5. Zoolander
4. Amelie
3. Chopper
2. Memento
1. City of God
Tags: films
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January 4th, 2010
Not much, really. Let’s see.
- The Power of One - Bryce Courtenay
- Breakfast at Tiffany’s - Truman Capote
- George Harrison (biography) - Alan Clayson
- The Jesus I Never Knew - Philip Yancey
- Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
- Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
- In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
- High Fidelity - Nick Nornby
- New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
- The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
There are a few good ones there, but my pick would probably be In Cold Blood. The whole Twilight thing is midly embarassing, mostly because I’m neither female, nor a teenager. But Edward is so dreamy.
Tags: books
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December 20th, 2009
I literally had difficulty remembering the password which is the key to this blog machine, which is an interesting, yet not very interesting, fact about me. Now I have forgotten what I came here for, and I’ve eaten an entire wheel of soft cheese, the remnants of which are peppering my moustache and linoleum floor.
I think it was Ernest Hemingway who once said,
“He who is [something something] will always approach a task armed with a hot mug of cocoa, [something something], a predilection for larrikinism, and the innate candour of a polar bear.”
That may have been Ernest Hemingway, or it may have been the anthropomorphic koala in my dream last night who stole my keys and scurried up a lamp-post. I could only look on in horror as he scrutinised my choice of keyring, guffawing and jingling them in his surprisingly dextrous paws. I am usually pretty strict with anthropomorphic koala bears, but this time I was not in the mood for a fistfight.
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August 19th, 2009
Hey what’s up you bunch of useless shits? I left you in charge of this blog and you’ve done nothing but scratch your nether regions and stare into the blank vacuum that is THE INTERNET. You could at least have tidied up. This place looks like a dog’s breakfast exploded.
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January 31st, 2009
I've got a 5 1/4" disk.
It’s been coming for a while now. Several months ago, as an inevitable result of delving into the design world, I started associating with people who were APPLE FREAKS. These are the people who hate Microsoft and love Apple. I’ve always shied away from these people because I’ve always considered them raving lunatics, but after a couple of months of being forced to use an iMac while sub-contracting, I started to come around.
My first computer was an Apple IIe (pictured), and I remember spending countless hours as a child staring at is hypnotising green screen and pounding on the yellowed keyboards. That was the beginning of the nerdy streak which still haunts me today.
So I’ve gone to the dark side. I bought an iMac a couple of weeks ago, and let me tell you that designing on this 20″ screen beats the shit out of designing on a tiny laptop. That thing was driving me crazy.
Not only that, but I’ve succumbed to the sexiness and scored myself an iPhone. Apart from the fingerprints, which kinda bug me, I think the thing is absolutely brilliant. See, it’s actually for my 30th birthday (which is tomorrow) so that’s my justification for the indulgence. Plus, I can check my emails out and about, so it makes sense business-wise. But mostly it’s about the sexy.
Tags: meaningless possessions
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January 20th, 2009
The beginning of a new year is a good time to take a GOOD HARD LOOK AT YOURSELF, MY FRIEND.
I like to work from home shirtlessly, and using the latest techmology
Anyhoo, some of you may have gathered that I’m a full-time freelance web designer, and have been for about six months. Many people dream of working for themselves from home - the flexibility, freedom, and convenience is a huge bonus after all.
After tinkering in web design, building a few sites for family and friends, and testing my mettle in London, I decided to take a leap of faith and jump off the freelancing cliff. My own experience has been very positive, but I can see how things could easily have gone pear-shaped. Coming from a long line of entrepreneurs, my involvement in the family business gave me a good grounding to cope with the rough patches, and I knew what to expect.
Obviously, it’s not all peaches and cream. I was blessed enough to come across a few key contacts early in the piece who gave me enough work to keep me going. I know everybody says you need a business plan, but to be completely honest, if I had kept trying to follow my dodgy business plan I’d probably have gone nowhere.
So here’s what I’ve learned about being a freelance web designer. If I could travel through time and read this letter to myself about six months ago, I’d be thanking myself. Or something.
Working from home will drive you bonkers
It’s not quite as romantic as you think. Personally, I’m very insular and enjoy being on my own, so I’m especially well equipped for solitude. However, if you thrive on conversation and the company of others, you’ll be tearing your hair out after about two weeks.
I was fortunate enough to be offered an opportunity to work from the local University (with a fellow web developer) for three days a week, so I’ve managed to create a good balance where I can enjoy my solitude for a couple of days, and enjoy the company of others for the rest of the week.
It’s also very easy to get distracted while working from home. Strangely enough, I generally get distracted by doing odd jobs around the house, like gardening. Luckily I enjoy my work, so when I’ve got lots of work on, I don’t find it to difficult to get motivated.
Paid advertising is a waste of time
Yup, it’s pretty much like throwing a whole bunch of fifty dollar notes at a brick wall and hoping some of them will stick. In my experience (and for my type of business) the most effective forms of advertising are free - networking and referrals. Develop new contacts within your industry. When you get work, do an excellent job so that people will refer you to others.
I’m not saying that paid advertising is always a bad idea - by all means develop a sophisticated marketing strategy, but make sure it’s highly specific and that you’re targeting the right people.
Allow sanity time
There’s no way in hell I can bill 100% of the hours I work. I need time for drawing up quotes, answering emails, sorting files, doing the finances, making cups of tea, using twitter, reading articles, learning new technologies, drawing up quotes, and fluffing around. You’re kidding yourself if you think you can bill people for more than 75% of the time you work and not burn out after a while.
I start work at 8am and don’t expect to start billing somebody until 9am. During the day I allow myself plenty of time to myself organised, I get up and walk around, and make sure I watch lots of funny shit on YouTube.
Clients are time wasters
If you’re going to work for real live members of the public, be careful, because they are intensely annoying. Jobs will usually take 50% longer than you think - you have to allow for holding their hand, talking to them on the phone, making revisions, and explaining the internet to them.
By all means, pursue client work, but make sure you charge good money and allow extra time for dealing with their shit. Enough said.
Sub-contracting is awesome
There’s nothing wrong with asking people in your industry for overflow work. In fact, when you’re starting out and still developing client contacts, it’s an excellent way to improve your skills and keep the cash flowing. Sure, you’ll earn less money - everybody knows the big dollars come from clients - but the work is usually very low-hassle.
Personally, I love sub-contracting. I think it’s great dealing with people who know what they’re talking about and who understand the technology. It’s less risk, and the flow of work is steady, and the relationship is often easier to manage.
<?php $basket=1; $eggs=12; if ($basket<2) echo “This is a bad idea”; ?>
Yeah, um, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t count on one (or even two) clients providing you with enough work, you’ll need to expand your horizons and get a few more options happening. When times get tough, you’ll be able to adapt more easily.
Don’t be the ball
I am not my business. I am an employee of the business. I don’t get paid nearly enough to be working more than 38 hours a week and constantly worrying about money.
The last thing I wanted was to be a slave, so when I decided to freelance full-time I decided there were several conditions. Firstly, I’d get the benefits of any other employee. I allow myself public holidays, sick days, annual leave, and superannuation. Sure, I’d end up with less in the hand, but isn’t sanity worth more than money, and don’t I deserve to be treated like anyone else? Every week, I put money aside to cover my holidays, sick leave, and super.
Secondly, I get paid a weekly wage just like anybody else. My own personal money is separate from the business money. There’s no dipping in from my end, and there’s never a week where I don’t get paid. Nice and simple. We like it that way.
Have cash
Freelancing is a case of feast and famine. Sometimes I have absolutely nothing to do, which is terrifying. Other times I can barely manage the phone calls and emails. Since the work is sporadic, that means my cash flow is going to be up and down like.. um, some kind of crazy up and down type thing. Building a $6,000 website is great, but you need the cash to get you through until that invoice gets paid.
Therefore, I need cash to back me up. Sometimes that comes in the form of the tax money I put aside, but that’s not always available, so I need at least a few thousand dollars as a ‘buffer’. Obviously the idea is that you dip into the money in lean times and pay it back when those big fat invoices get paid.
Don’t undersell yourself
I started out desperately underselling myself because I was trying to get clients. I would torture myself for hours while deciding on prices, and then feel guilty for charging good money. I wasn’t doing myself any favours.
Early on I lost a client job because I was too cheap, and that was an important lesson. People associate low prices with low quality, and it’s extremely difficult to convince people otherwise. Do your research, look at competitors’ prices, and charge good money for your services. You deserve it.
That’s a wrap
Hope you enjoyed my crappy article. Just a few pointers I probably could have used in my early days.
I’m looking forward to the coming year - I feel like I’ve really cleared the early cobwebs and I’ve got a good focus and understanding of where I want to go with freelancing. My strategy at this stage is to focus on sub-contracting - personally I find the work convenient, the people easy to deal with, and the money quite good. I’m always learning new things too, so that’s an added bonus. Obviously I am still going to accept client work, but I won’t be pursuing it actively.
Another goal of mine for this year is to give myself a raise. Building up momentum always takes time, so I was never expecting to earn big bucks in my first year. However, I’m almost getting to the stage where the business is generating enough to warrant a higher wage. It’s probably a few months away yet, and it won’t be a huge jump, but will certainly be a welcome one.
Tags: designing the internets
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Hello, I'm Afe.
