February 3rd, 2010
I have an idea. It might not go anywhere, but it’s an idea.
I’ve long been obsessive about music, rating my tracks and albums, working out the averages and putting together ‘Top 20′ lists and so on. There is obviously something incredibly nerdy about this, but it’s music related so it’s also cool. Isn’t it? Let’s just say there were certain parts of High Fidelity which were written about me.
Anyway, if you combine my website development ability with my album rating obsession and my occasional music review-writing, you might end up with some sort of nerdy music website. That’s about as far as I’ve gotten in the planning, and at this stage it will probably just serve as a place for me to keep my nerdy lists and rant about music.
As to whether anybody would be actually interested in reading the thing is another question. But at this stage the site would be more for personal enjoyment, which is a pretty good business plan I reckon.
Tags: designing the internets, Music
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January 29th, 2010
Dearest Readers,
Well, the response to my blogging comeback has been amazing! Thank you so much to everybody who wrote in, phoned in, rode in, got stoned and drove in, wore their robes in, and sent their bones in. You make it all worthwhile! I am chewing on one of your bones and wearing one of your robes right now. Your bones are tasty.
Also, a note to Ms. R. Winchcombe of Derry, Ireland - thank you for the woolen cardigan you knitted me! Even though you forgot to put arm holes in, I have been wearing it constantly. You would be surprised at how many times you have saved me from accidentally biting or burning my fingers off!
Right now I am sitting beside the fireplace in my favourite leather chair, which occasionally makes creaking noises not unlike the passing of wind. I am wearing a derby cap, smoking a pipe, and stroking my pet wolf. I gaze quietly out my window, and the night is still and dark like a thick blanket. The full moon hangs in the sky like a supple, milky breast, and I am suddenly thirsty. Soon I will retire to my boudoir and brush my golden locks, all the while thinking of lost love and other such girlish fancies.
Yours Truly,
Reclusive Genius
P.S. I have just realised I do not own a pet wolf, and that I may be in grave danger. Please send help immediately.
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January 20th, 2010
I did a song. Here it is. It consists of me pushing buttons in Garage Band trying to make the crappiest sounding 80’s song ever. Then things got a bit serious and it started sounding good. But then it really went nowhere and sounded crap anyway. It was a fun experiment, but now things are over between me and Cheese Wheel.
Enjoy.
Cheese Wheel
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January 18th, 2010
After a long and painfully unfruitful period of silence, I find myself mildly interested in writing again.
Just like when the Jews were chased out of Egypt by Hitler and his pack of chariot-driving werewolves, I have served my time in the wilderness and am ready to enter the ‘promised’ land of locusts and honey. I must say, a locust and honey burger sounds very tempting right now.
On a less religiously controversial point, I have a new stapler. It is shiny and black.
More information on staplers:
“A stapler is a simple mechanical device used to join pieces of paper together. Staplers were invented. A stapler differs from a sticky tape dispenser in that it dispenses staples rather than sticky tape. Staplers come in different colours and are sometimes made of metal and plastic, which is in turn made of atoms. Atoms are very small, even smaller than ants. With the right tools, you can safely split an ant, but you must never attempt to split an atom.”
Tags: blogging, meaningless possessions
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January 15th, 2010
Dear Cool People of the world who use Cool Handshakes,
I am not one of you. I don’t know the Cool Handshake you are trying to do. I won’t notice that you are a surfer dude, and that you are going to try the one with the vertical thumb.
If you are a hipster and try to ‘bump fists’ with me, I will grab your fist and try to shake it.
I once tried a Cool Handshake, and ended up gripping the tips of a stranger’s fingers as though I was about to kiss his hand. For my next handshake, I opted for traditional, but was met with a non-traditional. I can’t win.
From now on, I am going to closely inspect your hand before I shake it. Do not be afraid, I am merely determining which handshake should be deployed. Do not attempt to change the handshake half-way through, as I may end up standing beside you holding your elbow.
Kind Regards,
Afe
P.S. Handshake fail
Tags: shit that annoys me
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January 13th, 2010
I have nothing to do today, so I’ve tided up the design here a bit, making things simpler, and quite possibly uglier. That’s the beauty of being half man and half awesome coding machine.
I wish I could code myself a new face.
Tags: designing the internets
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January 8th, 2010
I know these ‘best of the decade’ lists are a bit wanky, but hey, what can I say? I’m a wanker.
50. Frost/Nixon
49. A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints
48. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
47. Love Actually
46. The Others
45. 21 Grams
44. Der Untergang (The Downfall)
43. V for Vendetta
41. Training Day
40. The Departed
39. Gangs of New York
38. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
37. Juno
36. Crash
35. Sin City
34. Alpha Dog
33. Finding Nemo
32. Munich
31. Closer
30. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
29. A Scanner Darkly
28. Letters from Iwo Jima
27. Boiler Room
26. The Assassination of Jesse James
25. The Dark Knight
24. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
23. Lantana
22. Erin Brockovich
21. I Am Sam
20. Bowling for Columbine
19. Raising Victor Vargas
18. The Life of David Gale
17. White Oleander
16. Matchstick Men
15. Gladiator
14. Snatch
13. Best In Show
12. Mystic River
11. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
10. Dogville
9. Before Sunset
8. Oldboy
7. The Last King of Scotland
6. Vanilla Sky
5. Zoolander
4. Amelie
3. Chopper
2. Memento
1. City of God
Tags: films
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January 4th, 2010
Not much, really. Let’s see.
- The Power of One - Bryce Courtenay
- Breakfast at Tiffany’s - Truman Capote
- George Harrison (biography) - Alan Clayson
- The Jesus I Never Knew - Philip Yancey
- Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
- Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
- In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
- High Fidelity - Nick Nornby
- New Moon - Stephanie Meyer
- The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
There are a few good ones there, but my pick would probably be In Cold Blood. The whole Twilight thing is midly embarassing, mostly because I’m neither female, nor a teenager. But Edward is so dreamy.
Tags: books
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December 20th, 2009
I literally had difficulty remembering the password which is the key to this blog machine, which is an interesting, yet not very interesting, fact about me. Now I have forgotten what I came here for, and I’ve eaten an entire wheel of soft cheese, the remnants of which are peppering my moustache and linoleum floor.
I think it was Ernest Hemingway who once said,
“He who is [something something] will always approach a task armed with a hot mug of cocoa, [something something], a predilection for larrikinism, and the innate candour of a polar bear.”
That may have been Ernest Hemingway, or it may have been the anthropomorphic koala in my dream last night who stole my keys and scurried up a lamp-post. I could only look on in horror as he scrutinised my choice of keyring, guffawing and jingling them in his surprisingly dextrous paws. I am usually pretty strict with anthropomorphic koala bears, but this time I was not in the mood for a fistfight.
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August 19th, 2009
Hey what’s up you bunch of useless shits? I left you in charge of this blog and you’ve done nothing but scratch your nether regions and stare into the blank vacuum that is THE INTERNET. You could at least have tidied up. This place looks like a dog’s breakfast exploded.
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Hello, I'm Afe.
