Stock photography that makes me want to cry #1

April 5th, 2009

Jerry approached everything with gay abandon

Possibly the worst stock photo ever? Discuss.

Nearly

April 4th, 2009

I almost wrote something here, but then I changed my mind.

Macification

January 31st, 2009

I've got a 5 1/4" disk.

It’s been coming for a while now. Several months ago, as an inevitable result of delving into the design world, I started associating with people who were APPLE FREAKS. These are the people who hate Microsoft and love Apple. I’ve always shied away from these people because I’ve always considered them raving lunatics, but after a couple of months of being forced to use an iMac while sub-contracting, I started to come around.

My first computer was an Apple IIe (pictured), and I remember spending countless hours as a child staring at is hypnotising green screen and pounding on the yellowed keyboards. That was the beginning of the nerdy streak which still haunts me today.

So I’ve gone to the dark side. I bought an iMac a couple of weeks ago, and let me tell you that designing on this 20″ screen beats the shit out of designing on a tiny laptop. That thing was driving me crazy.

Not only that, but I’ve succumbed to the sexiness and scored myself an iPhone. Apart from the fingerprints, which kinda bug me, I think the thing is absolutely brilliant. See, it’s actually for my 30th birthday (which is tomorrow) so that’s my justification for the indulgence. Plus, I can check my emails out and about, so it makes sense business-wise. But mostly it’s about the sexy.

Reflections on freelancing

January 20th, 2009

The beginning of a new year is a good time to take a GOOD HARD LOOK AT YOURSELF, MY FRIEND.

I like to work from home shirtlessly, and using the latest techmology

Anyhoo, some of you may have gathered that I’m a full-time freelance web designer, and have been for about six months. Many people dream of working for themselves from home - the flexibility, freedom, and convenience is a huge bonus after all.

After tinkering in web design, building a few sites for family and friends, and testing my mettle in London, I decided to take a leap of faith and jump off the freelancing cliff. My own experience has been very positive, but I can see how things could easily have gone pear-shaped. Coming from a long line of entrepreneurs, my involvement in the family business gave me a good grounding to cope with the rough patches, and I knew what to expect.

Obviously, it’s not all peaches and cream. I was blessed enough to come across a few key contacts early in the piece who gave me enough work to keep me going. I know everybody says you need a business plan, but to be completely honest, if I had kept trying to follow my dodgy business plan I’d probably have gone nowhere.

So here’s what I’ve learned about being a freelance web designer. If I could travel through time and read this letter to myself about six months ago, I’d be thanking myself. Or something.

Working from home will drive you bonkers

It’s not quite as romantic as you think. Personally, I’m very insular and enjoy being on my own, so I’m especially well equipped for solitude. However, if you thrive on conversation and the company of others, you’ll be tearing your hair out after about two weeks.

I was fortunate enough to be offered an opportunity to work from the local University (with a fellow web developer) for three days a week, so I’ve managed to create a good balance where I can enjoy my solitude for a couple of days, and enjoy the company of others for the rest of the week.

It’s also very easy to get distracted while working from home. Strangely enough, I generally get distracted by doing odd jobs around the house, like gardening. Luckily I enjoy my work, so when I’ve got lots of work on, I don’t find it to difficult to get motivated.

Paid advertising is a waste of time

Yup, it’s pretty much like throwing a whole bunch of fifty dollar notes at a brick wall and hoping some of them will stick. In my experience (and for my type of business) the most effective forms of advertising are free - networking and referrals. Develop new contacts within your industry. When you get work, do an excellent job so that people will refer you to others.

I’m not saying that paid advertising is always a bad idea - by all means develop a sophisticated marketing strategy, but make sure it’s highly specific and that you’re targeting the right people.

Allow sanity time

There’s no way in hell I can bill 100% of the hours I work. I need time for drawing up quotes, answering emails, sorting files, doing the finances, making cups of tea, using twitter, reading articles, learning new technologies, drawing up quotes, and fluffing around. You’re kidding yourself if you think you can bill people for more than 75% of the time you work and not burn out after a while.

I start work at 8am and don’t expect to start billing somebody until 9am. During the day I allow myself plenty of time to myself organised, I get up and walk around, and make sure I watch lots of funny shit on YouTube.

Clients are time wasters

If you’re going to work for real live members of the public, be careful, because they are intensely annoying. Jobs will usually take 50% longer than you think - you have to allow for holding their hand, talking to them on the phone, making revisions, and explaining the internet to them.

By all means, pursue client work, but make sure you charge good money and allow extra time for dealing with their shit. Enough said.

Sub-contracting is awesome

There’s nothing wrong with asking people in your industry for overflow work. In fact, when you’re starting out and still developing client contacts, it’s an excellent way to improve your skills and keep the cash flowing. Sure, you’ll earn less money - everybody knows the big dollars come from clients - but the work is usually very low-hassle.

Personally, I  love sub-contracting. I think it’s great dealing with people who know what they’re talking about and who understand the technology. It’s less risk, and the flow of work is steady, and the relationship is often easier to manage.

<?php $basket=1; $eggs=12; if ($basket<2) echo “This is a bad idea”; ?>

Yeah, um, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t count on one (or even two) clients providing you with enough work, you’ll need to expand your horizons and get a few more options happening. When times get tough, you’ll be able to adapt more easily.

Don’t be the ball

I am not my business. I am an employee of the business. I don’t get paid nearly enough to be working more than 38 hours a week and constantly worrying about money.

The last thing I wanted was to be a slave, so when I decided to freelance full-time I decided there were several conditions. Firstly, I’d get the benefits of any other employee. I allow myself public holidays, sick days, annual leave, and superannuation. Sure, I’d end up with less in the hand, but isn’t sanity worth more than money, and don’t I deserve to be treated like anyone else? Every week, I put money aside to cover my holidays, sick leave, and super.

Secondly, I get paid a weekly wage just like anybody else. My own personal money is separate from the business money. There’s no dipping in from my end, and there’s never a week where I don’t get paid. Nice and simple. We like it that way.

Have cash

Freelancing is a case of feast and famine. Sometimes I have absolutely nothing to do, which is terrifying. Other times I can barely manage the phone calls and emails. Since the work is sporadic, that means my cash flow is going to be up and down like.. um, some kind of crazy up and down type thing. Building a $6,000 website is great, but you need the cash to get you through until that invoice gets paid.

Therefore, I need cash to back me up. Sometimes that comes in the form of the tax money I put aside, but that’s not always available, so I need at least a few thousand dollars as a ‘buffer’. Obviously the idea is that you dip into the money in lean times and pay it back when those big fat invoices get paid.

Don’t undersell yourself

I started out desperately underselling myself because I was trying to get clients. I would torture myself for hours while deciding on prices, and then feel guilty for charging good money. I wasn’t doing myself any favours.

Early on I lost a client job because I was too cheap, and that was an important lesson. People associate low prices with low quality, and it’s extremely difficult to convince people otherwise. Do your research, look at competitors’ prices, and charge good money for your services. You deserve it.

That’s a wrap

Hope you enjoyed my crappy article. Just a few pointers I probably could have used in my early days.

I’m looking forward to the coming year - I feel like I’ve really cleared the early cobwebs and I’ve got a good focus and understanding of where I want to go with freelancing. My strategy at this stage is to focus on sub-contracting - personally I find the work convenient, the people easy to deal with, and the money quite good. I’m always learning new things too, so that’s an added bonus. Obviously I am still going to accept client work, but I won’t be pursuing it actively.

Another goal of mine for this year is to give myself a raise. Building up momentum always takes time, so I was never expecting to earn big bucks in my first year. However, I’m almost getting to the stage where the business is generating enough to warrant a higher wage. It’s probably a few months away yet, and it won’t be a huge jump, but will certainly be a welcome one.

Album Review: Ray LaMontagne - Gossip in the Grain

January 9th, 2009

It’s almost as though American singer-songwriter Ray LaMontagne hails from a long-forgotten era of great songwriting and truly great singers. Since his 2004 debut, Trouble, a finely crafted collection of folk tunes and Dylanesque tales, LaMontagne has almost single-handedly restored my faith in new music. In a world full of Ashlee Simpsons and Nickelbacks, it’s easy to forget that some people are just born to sing, some people are born to write great songs, and very, very occasionally, we’re lucky enough to find someone who’s born to do both.

Ray’s most recent effort, Gossip in the Grain, while not quite up to the impressive standard of Trouble and its 2006 follow-up, Till The Sun Turns Black, is still a thorougly enjoyable listen.

“You Are The Best Thing” kicks off the album with a surprisingly soulful brass hook, paving the way for a blues-soul number evoking the ghost of Otis Redding. Here is a man who understands that building on simplicity often makes a great song. Following up are “Sarah” and “Let It Be Me”, two perfect examples of LaMontagne’s talent as a storyteller and ability to weave gorgeous, intricate, yet accessible melodies.

Generally speaking, the album centres around acoustic country-folk, but this is his most diverse album yet. “I Still Care For You” is an ethereal, drifting, and slightly off-centre exploration. “Hey Me, Hey Mama” is a breezy country jazz sing-along, and “Henry Nearly Killed Me (It’s A Shame)” is a punchy raucous country blues romp which sounds like it’s been dug up in a dusty barn somewhere.

“Meg White”, the most unusual track on the album is, oddly enough, an ode to Meg White of The White Stripes. LaMontagne’s husky growling about Meg being “such a pretty thing” and how he’d like to ride a bike with her “down by the seaside” is somewhat confusing, but it’s a good song nonetheless.

There are gorgeous melancholic melodies here, but they are always tempered by uplifting moments, often in the same song. What truly elevates these songs above the average is the delivery - LaMontagne has a husky, powerful voice, perhaps similar in quality to Joe Cocker, but with a tempered, natural warmth.

After three albums of excellent material, I’m not surprised that Ray LaMontagne isn’t all that well known. After all, fame and fortune is reserved for the hacks and publicity machines these days. At least people like Ray can help soothe the pain.

Afe’s Score: 7/10

The Afe Awards MEGA EDITION

January 6th, 2009

I was riding a stolen bicycle down memory lane just recently and remembering that I used to do a yearly wrap-up of my favourite books / films / albums on my blog. As I chucked a totally sick wheelie around memory corner I thought to myself, “My, that is a lovely idea, I think I shall do it again.”

Sadly, I was so busy travelling and being a stupid hippy in 2007 that I completely forgot to do the Afe Awards, so here I present the MEGA EDITION, which encompasses two years worth of cool stuff. Note that the release year doesn’t matter, because I, like Jesus Christ and Chuck Norris, exist outside of time.

(Note: Previous editions can be found here and here.)

Movie

Ethan Hawke gently explains a few basic Jiu-Jitsu moves to Julie Delpy

Before Sunrise - Richard Linklater (1995)

Yup, that’s right. I’m not a big romance guy, but this is probably the best movie I’ve seen in the past couple of years. Not quite sure what it is, but I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Long live good dialogue!

I also watched the sequel, Before Sunset (2004) which I enjoyed almost as much. The huge kung-fu battle at the end took me by surprise, but was an excellent deux ex machina.

Book

East of Eden: Somewhere West of Iraq

East of Eden - John Steinbeck (1952)

It’s the Steinbeckmeister for sure, ladies and gents! Possibly even my favourite book of all time. Followed up very closely by Of Mice And Men by the same author, and A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. Oh, and I nearly forgot, A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens was also incredibly good. Damn, I read some good books in 2007! Pity I didn’t read any in 2008.

Album

Fiona Apple: sexy AND dangerous

When the Pawn… - Fiona Apple (1999)

I must be turning soft or something, because now I’m liking lots of girly stuff. Mind you, it’s not really girly because Fiona Apple is actually quite scary. This album kept me happily humming on the London buses and helped me to ignore commuting quite successfully. I have a crush on Fiona Apple.

Honourable mention goes to Ray LaMontagne’s killer first album, Trouble which, since acquiring a copy in 2007, I have forced family, friends and work colleagues to listen to non-stop. Ray is probably the best artist I have discovered over the last few years, and I really can’t get enough of that husky voice and great songwriting.

Other good albums I grabbed hold of were Silverchair’s Young Modern, and Coldplay’s Viva la Vida. I thought Coldplay had turned crap, but then they redeemed themselves.

Thanks for listening, folks. Please feel free to share your own list in the comments, I’d be interested to hear it.

Love, Afe.

Whrrrrrrrowr

January 3rd, 2009

I’m having difficulty writing at the moment because my brain is fried from watching 32 episodes of Sex and the City over the last few days. I’m not sure how this program has managed to dominate my holidays, but it has. I think the wife might have something to do with it. Ah well, at least it contains nudity. Plus, I’ve still had the opportunity to play a fair big of Star Wars: Force Unleashed on the Wii (hooray for rechargeable batteries!).

Tonight, it’s quite possible I’ll dream of Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte battling each other with light sabres, electrocuting, choking, and slicing each other into little charcoal pieces. I think I’d rather enjoy that.

Woosh, woosh, vrooowr.

Hi-ya!

December 24th, 2008

One of the more interesting things I’ve done recently is taking up Mixed Martial Arts, or as we in the biz like to call it, Mixed Martial Arts. Now, I’m not normally a stand-up, knock ‘em out type of guy (actually I’m more of a sit-down, slouch, and drink tea kind of guy) but I’m kinda digging it.

MMA is (obviously) a mixture of a bunch of different disciplines, so we get training in boxing, kicking and wrestling, as well as fitness training. I’m not normally too bad with exercise (see, I take the dog for a saunter a couple of times a week) but I really detest running on a treadmill and staring at the wall. I much prefer doing something practical, so kicking people in the ribs is perfect for me.

My first lesson was a little odd, grappling with a strange sweaty man twice my size made me think twice about why the hell I was there on a Tuesday night when I could have been sitting at home rearranging the pantry. But by the end of the lesson I’d learned to move like a tiger. Well, not really. More like an albatross, but I enjoyed trying.

So now I’m a white belt and a padawan learner. But in a few months, I will own you.

Album Review: Oasis - Dig Out Your Soul

December 12th, 2008

Ever since the excellent “(What’s the Story) Morning Glory?” way back in 1995, Oasis have made a very good living from mediocrity. A string of half decent albums, punctuated with the occasional good song has been the staple diet of Oasis fans for a good thirteen years. Each record has been hailed as a “return to form” and each record is just another puff of smoke.

Enter their latest recording, “Dig Out Your Soul”. Surprise, surprise, there’s nothing new here. Frustratingly, Oasis have yet again managed to create another saleable record without doing anything interesting.

One of the problems with Oasis is, they wax philosophical when they have no insight or wisdom. As Beatle fanboys, they feel they have some kind of obligation to sing about love, or souls, or somesuch. Listening to Liam Gallagher whine pseudo-spiritual rote is condescending to the point of frustration.

“I’m Outta Time” borrows a guitar part from The Beatle’s excellent “Dear Prudence”, some piano flourishes from “A Day In The Life”, similar vocal samples to “I Am The Walrus”, and adds some George Harrison style slide guitar. The result of all this plagiarism is a schmaltzy, boring meander which fakes emotion but fails dismally.

The Beatle aping doesn’t end there. After imparting their empty wisdom, Oasis will predictably throw a psychadelic number into the mix. Oh, how interesting. This happens on every album, so there are no surprises there. When the Beatles experimented with psychadelic, it was a revolutionary sound. They experimented for a couple of years and moved on. Oasis have been busy carbon copying the 1966-1967 sound for a good ten years now. It’s time to move on, boys.

I’m not saying the songs on “Dig Out Your Soul” are bad. In fact, some of them are an enjoyable listen. The trouble is, Oasis are far too busy thinking about making a good record to actually make a good record. This album will probably satisfy the old guard who keep buying the records, but this album is yet another boring chapter in the mediocre story of Oasis.

Afe’s Score: 5/10

Album Review: Guns N’ Roses - Chinese Democracy

December 3rd, 2008

Right, so I’m twelve years old, and Guns N’ Roses are the best thing EVER. I don’t really know the first thing about being dangerous, having sex, or taking drugs, so I’ll just go into my bedroom, put on “You Could Be Mine”, and hump the air.

I’m kind of happy it worked out this way. Rather than knocking around the scene for years (a la AC/DC), becoming stale and boring, endlessly carbon copying themselves and re-releasing old material, Guns N’ Roses did what every most dangerous band in the world must do - they imploded.

Yes, it took a long time to make this record. Yes, it cost a truck-load of money. Yes, Axl is a dickhead. But did you really miss him? Really? Deep down inside? If he hadn’t gone into hiding, Axl would just be another crusty old washed-up rocker joining forces with Audioslave or somebody, flogging the dead horse. I’ve always been a fan of the old adage, “Ifyou’ve got nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all”, so I’m personally glad we haven’t seen Axl’s corn-roll garnished, gargantuan egocentric head for a while.

So let’s put the record on. It’s been so long since I’ve heard this voice, that it’s kind of weird. It’s almost like a ghost from the past, or someone that should be dead. I’m having some serious teen flashbacks here. It doesn’t really sound like Guns N’ Roses, well, because it’s not Guns N’ Roses. While Axl provided the songwriting, Slash’s pioneering guitar playing was an equally important voice in that group. “Chinese Democracy” sounds more like a solo record, and for all intents and purposes, that’s what it is. Having said that, Axl’s go-to boys have done an excellent job imitating Slash here and laying down some killer guitar.

The first and title track rocks out nicely, and Axl’s poison tongue is as sharp as it was in 1991. It reminds me that half the reason Guns N Roses were so good was that Axl is a mean motherfucker. This new record touches on the nu-metal and industrial genres which came into prominence during Axl’s hibernation, but also remains somewhat true to the hard-rock serpentine spirit that was at the core of GN’R. Axl’s sampling is subtle enough to work nicely with the songs, and tighter drumming thankfully replaces the reverb-drenched stadium sound which so characterised the early 90’s period.

There’s nothing I’d like to do more than rip the shit out of Axl for the next 400 words or so for being such a colossal knob, but this album is actually not bad. It’s confusing, it’s dark, it’s odd, and it teeters on the edge of cringe-worthy. But then again, GN’R were always a little bit cringeworthy.

It’s produced with a fine-tooth comb, and you’d assume that over a decade of production would translate to over-production, but actually, not really. The band sounds tight. There’s very little of the symphonic epic style seen in 1991’s “November Rain” or “Estranged” - Axl has pared his sound and songwriting down to acrid, smouldering, driving rock, which pulls the album together nicely. The slower songs like “Sorry” and “Madagascar” aren’t lushly produced or flowery power-ballads, they’re sleek slow-burners with a driving purpose and focused energy.

The faster, nasty, guitar-driven songs on here, such as “Shackler’s Revenge” and “Scraped” usually hit the mark, with plenty of guitar shredding to keep the Slash era fans satisfied. There are certainly a couple of scrappy moments and low points, and the album is not a masterpiece. But it’s a coherent effort and, despite the hype and legend surrounding the record, it doesn’t feel like a cash-in. On the contrary, “Chinese Democracy” sounds suspiciously like artistic expression, and it may be the most consistent GN’R album yet.

Rumours abound that his may be the first in a trilogy of albums, and the twelve-year old in me is actually kind of excited. Now that Rose has purged himself, it might actually free him up to break new ground. Whether I’ll keep listening is another question - I just don’t take air guitar that seriously any more.

Afe’s Score - 5.8 / 10

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